Let me tell you about a man i love. A man so humble, he simply chose to go by Father. Though he doesn't walk with me here on earth, he places people in my path to carry me through the tough times.
Today in my strengthening marriage and family class (i know what you're all thinking... NO i'm not anxious to get married) we talked about the role of a father. The role of a father is to preside, provide, AND protect. The role of a father is vital. The role of a father is sacred. The role of a father is necessary, especially to his daughter.
This topic is always so sensitive to my spirit, and yeah i'll admit i usually end up walking out on these discussions, but as i sat teary eyed and broken hearted, i prayed to know if this lesson had something to offer me, something that would mend my broken heart. I decided right then to pour out my spirit so that the holy ghost could fill my heart with what needed to be in it, and not what i thought should or would fix it. As i listened to all the things a father should be, what a father's relationship does for his daughter, and the detriments of not having a father in ones life, i recognized how blessed i am. Sure i wish things were different, but because of how things are now, i take claim and have gotten close to many dads. Most importantly though, it has enabled me to get closer to the one Father i need most. My Heavenly Father. Through my trials, instead of turning to my earthly father for comfort, i've always gone straight to my Heavenly Father. I know he loves me. I know i am one of HIS choice daughters, because i have felt it and been blessed to know it for a fact by all the trials and blessings he has sent my way to refine me and make me stronger and better and one step closer to Him. I'll take all the trials in the world, just to be closer to Him. I think back to Jesus' Atonement. Never once did He ask "what's in it for me?" and boy am i glad he didn't, otherwise there would be no redemption and no way back to my loving Father. He could have walked away from this. He could have been selfish in a time where anyone of this earth would have been. But he didnt, and he wasn't because he is our Christ. He went through with the pain and bleeding of every pore because he cared about me personally.
I've been a little down lately here at the great BYU. I felt inadequate. I felt like nothing sets me apart from all the amazing individuals. I felt like i couldn't handle all the pressure of being here with a back as bad as mine. On the days where my throwing up gets bad, i felt hopeless and discouraged. But then i remember the advice i gave my own friend on his mission who has been struggling with similar feelings. Our Father places us in situations we feel like we don't measure up to so that we can work up to that and grow. He places us in situations where we are tried so hard that we want to give up, but knows we wont and that we'll face the trial with faith. When we are comfortable, there is absolutely no room for growth. It's when we're thrown into muddy puddles that challenge us to get up, brush off our knee's, cleanse our souls and serve. Serve until we lose ourselves, because we don't want the old us. We want to find the new individual who is one step closer to our Father, and one step closer to earthly perfection.
I stayed in class today because my Father needed me to learn something. He needed me to reflect on my trials and ask myself where my priorities are. He needed me to ask myself where my heart is. And he needed me to put my heart in the right place. My heart is with my Savior, and my Father in Heaven. When a trial comes, i'll give Him my heart, mind, and my soul and ask Him to fill it up with what feelings and knowledge i need to learn. I'll turn to others who are less fortunate then i am, and humbly help them become better. As i lift others, i know i will be lifted and that's ultimately why i am here. To be lifted up little by little until i see my Father's hands, with my name printed in them, outstretched for ME to lift me all the way into his harms. I cannot wait for that day.
I am so grateful to be at a university that helps me reflect on being better, and helps me remember that my life is so beautiful. I am so grateful to be at peace right now with where i am in my life. I am so grateful for the people i associate myself with who build me up and make me want to be better. I am grateful for my sweet Dallan who may still be in Aizona, but whose spirit is always close to my heart when i need him most. I am grateful for my family who has been by my side with every struggle to ease my pain. And last, i am so grateful for all the father's who claim me as their daughter, taught me, and have given me a piece of their heart to always carry with me.
